It's My Call

"My will shall shape the future. Whether I fail or succeed shall be no man's doing but my own. I am the force; I can clear any obstacle before me or I can be lost in the maze. My choice; my responsibility; win or lose, only I hold the key to my destiny." - Elaine Maxwell

We are in control of our lives. We make the decisions. We have make choices. 
Without trying we will get nowhere but when we do try we will move mountains. 
We just have to believe.

The Battlefield Called LOVE

Life is full of battles. 
We struggle to survive this unpredictable and treacherous world.
We fight everywhere to live. 
How else would the famous line "survival of the fittest" originate?
Since the beginning of mankind battles have been formed. 
Civilization fought its way through the dark ages of history.
We are where we are now because of the battles we have won and lost.

We endlessly struggle in our society, in our family, in our workplace, in our relationships. 
There is struggling even within ourselves.

Among those battles in life, I for one found the bloodiest and deadliest of all - The battlefield called love.
Any man with a beating heart is a warrior. We are all subject to fight. 
Once we love, we fight. No exception. 
All sorts of enemies are against us - family, friends, colleagues, strangers, career, beliefs, religion, distance and time. 
None of us come out without a scratch.

In this battle, we need allies but some of us unfortunately fight alone.
Those who fight with a partner most likely win. Sure win. 
For they have the strength, the courage, the faith. 
They back each other up. When one loses the will to fight, the other fights in behalf. 
But not all allies stay thus we, knowingly or unknowingly, may end up solo in the field.
When this happens we bleed out. Our hearts stop and we become vulnerable. 
We drop our swords for we see our defeat.

However, once we win, we hold the glory of true love forever. 
That is worth fighting for.

When we lose we either pick up the sword and fight again or wave the white flag.

Some have already fought. Some are currently fighting. 
Some are still waiting for their turn. And some are avoiding.

I have fought many times. 
I am a believer of number. The more the better. The more the merrier. 2 heads are better than 1.
I never fought alone or so I believed. 
So did I emerge a winner? I say no. 
I would have if I hadn't been left behind.
I put up a good fight although I fought alone.
Yet no matter how hard I struggled I was never strong enough to win. 
Glory was within my reach. Yet I failed to even go near it.

Therefore I was a loser. I am one of those who bleed and cry.
I am also one of those who pick up the sword and fight one more time.
The next time I fight I will win for my ally never runs away. HE STAYS.

Time - Does It Really Heal?

Time.
People believed that time heals all wounds.
Many would testify that indeed it does heal.
Some would say that as time passes by the pain fades away.
Hurt people move on. They get new hobbies, new friends, new relationships, new life.
They claim they are healed.That the wound has turned into a scar. No longer bleeding, no longer aching.

Does time really heal? Does it really?

I have gone through a lot of pit holes, traps, battlefields and I have never gotten out unwounded. 

There would always be scratches, stabs or even burns. And I would be in pain for days, months and even years. 

I would find remedies. Just as I have always heard from experts, wait it out. Time heals. 

Then as the clock continues to turn, like normal people, I recovered. 

It's seems to me that indeed the infamous saying is true. But then again, am I really healed?

We live. We thrive. We enter new battlefields everyday. We make allies, we make enemies. 
As vulnerable human beings, we get cut, shot or worst killed. We cry. We bleed. We feel the agonizing pangs of pain. 

And we remember. All the heartaches and broken dreams in the past, they all come back to us as we cry out loud. 

Pain has the ability to push us back to the past. This is when we question our healing. 

Are we healed? Does time really heal? 

I say it does because we like to believe that it does.
Life is full of limitations. Even time has it's own limitation.
We may feel as if we are healed because time makes forget the pain.
It gives us ample time to bleed the poison out and prevent further intoxication.
It gives us enough time to find a replacement to the injured part.
It gives us the time we need to find something to patch the wound up with.
It makes us see that the wound is turning into scar since we are taught that scar equals healing.
However, there are internal wounds as well.
Then we get fixed through the inside. And once again we wait. Time for time to do it's job.
Some time later we stand up and claim we are healed.
Yet again I ask, are we?

There is a kind of wound that cuts through the superficial layers visible to the eye, through the heart, through the mind. 

It is too deep that it reaches the soul. This wound does not induce bleeding nor aching. It is barely felt. 

Therefore, it is unrecognized. Even time is unaware of it.
Time cannot phatom the depth of it. 

Only the Great Divine, the Divine Healer can.

When we get hurt, time heals the wound. The wound we acknowledged. The wound that we see and feel. 

Time gives us the satisfaction we want. So we say we are healed. 
But are we, really?

We Differ

In college I studied culture, I studied psychology. I studied almost all the sciences there is.
As soon as I stepped out of my university I was quite certain, I had learned all I needed to learn in order to survive the outside world. I was under that impression. But I was wrong. Nothing can ever make us prepared, in any ways, since we are clueless of the future ahead. For several years, I have met several kinds of people from different walks of life. Different age, different culture, different language, different lifestyle. I have had my share of good and bad experiences with them. Some of those moments made me smile and some of those made me cry. I even built dreams and saw them crumble day by day. 
However, none of these ever made me regret. 

I was able to see the disparity of humans. I learned how culture, education and mentality affect how people behave and treat others. Each one of us is unique. Our attitude may vary but we are built with the same emotions. Our brain may contain variety of knowledge but our hearts feel exactly the same emotions. HAPPINESS, SADNESS, LOVE, ANGER. We feel the same pain, just different intensity from different sources. We hate, we love, we deny, we accept, we desire. We all desire to be happy. It's everyone's ultimate goal. Oneness. 

However, in order to achieve it, we are faced with millions of paths to trod. And that's where we differ. Our culture, our knowledge, our training, our character dictate which path to choose. Human as we are, it is needless to say that we definitely choose whichever road reaches the destination the fastest. We are all climbers. Striving to reach the top. And any professional climbers out there will agree me when I say that the one who climbs with lesser or no load at all, is the first one to reach the top. 

When I came out of my mother's womb, I was naked. I had nothing. I had no load. I was a light climber.
I could have climbed faster. But then I was too young to even take a single step in life. I needed to grow. As I grew up, I met people, I earned possessions, I learned and I will always be learning. I am no longer bare. I have baggages. These baggages are my possession, my people. The people I took in to be part of my life. In short, the people I have loved and love. Then climbing is getting harder and harder. Not just my climb for I am not the one one who desires to be happy. Each of us feels the same way. We all have our own load. At some point, we may even be someone's load. 

We don't need to study Physics to understand that in order to move faster we must lessen the weight. And that's where we differ once more. Some of us pursue and endure the heavy weight until the end. We carry them no matter how slow the pace is. Some of us let go. We let go of the people that weigh down each step we take. At this point, we have one thing in mind, go light, move fast. We leave them behind and hope that someone else picks them up, catches them and if not, hope that their fall is not deadly. As we drop them off, we pray for forgiveness which we know we might not get.

Scientifically speaking, we are equipped with the ability to discern and to forget. And for those who choose to drop off some load, I believe that they are fully aware of their ability. They are able to discern which ones to leave behind. The less is always the first one to go. 

This is not where the fittest survives. This is where the most valued wins. 

Yet no one can tell if their action is right or not until they reach the finish line. For this is where the universal emotion, regret, sets in. After all the achievement, we look back for we have the gift of memory. We recall the journey and the load we leave behind. And once more we differ. Some of us get the contentment and the vindication that the decision is right. Some of us insanely wish to turn back the time because what has been left behind is the one and only thing that matters in the end. 
The one and only thing that makes the climb meaningful.



- KIMIRA 
7/27/10